SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
