Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so that wasnt chicken after all
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
