I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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