Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
