We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
