Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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