we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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