They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
