Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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