Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
