So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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