what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
