Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
