all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I understand Curling. That high.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
