My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
