Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
