I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
