So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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