haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
