I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
