ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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