I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
