how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
