normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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