Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
