I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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