Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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