That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
