dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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