hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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