It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
