how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
