My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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