Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
