you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
