i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
