we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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