these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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