i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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