Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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