Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
