I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
