I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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