Quick, to the slutcave!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
