Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
