Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
