DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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