I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
