Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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