You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
