I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
