I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
