Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
