The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
