I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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