ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
