i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
