also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
